You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Melody Beattie ©
Living with Families
I was forty-six years old before I finally admitted to myself and
someone else that my grandfather always managed to make me feel guilty,
angry, and controlled.
We may love and care about our family very much. Family members may love and
care about us. But interacting with some members may be a real trigger to
our codependency - sometimes to a deep abyss of shame, rage, anger, guilt,
It can be difficult to achieve detachment, or an emotional level, with
certain family members. It can be difficult to separate their issues from
ours. It can be difficult to own our power.
Difficult, but not impossible.
The first step is awareness and acceptance - simple acknowledgment, without
guilt, of our feelings and thoughts. We do not have to blame our family
members. We do not have to blame or shame ourselves. Acceptance is the goal
- acceptance and freedom to choose what we want and need to do to take care
of ourselves with that person. We can become free of the patterns of the
past. We are recovering. Progress is the goal.
Today, Higher Power, help me be patient with myself as I learn how to apply
recovery behaviors with family members. Help me strive today for awareness
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