Author Topic: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH  (Read 3834 times)

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Offline The Recovering Vegan

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2011, 11:19:26 PM »
shit CD lol you sound like a service junkie LOL I think I am to ha ha yea been going to school as of late ship its hard at times plus starting yet another NA meeting in my area. hard to find the willingness from others to help out but everyone wants a meeting. everyone thinks its a good idea. off topic.
The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.

Offline CD

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2011, 10:23:41 PM »
 8) 8) 8)  I also agree , is my sponsor doing steps ? Is he using them daily? I know if we don't have that sponsor sponsee relationship anymore it may be time to look for a new sponsor. My sponsor and I have a great relationship , we talk a couple times a week.Hw told me of all his four sponsees I have done the most step work and service.   8) 8) 8)
Being stuck way up north I read literature do service in my area,region,and homegroup.New friends new ways of life.Left old friend out there same old story they have .Like helping newcomers , I was one once,have to give back what was freely given to me .

Offline The Recovering Vegan

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2011, 04:37:08 PM »
This was one of the topics today, and it gave me some time when I really think about it; I guess that it is important to talk about it to other addicts.
there are times when a sponsor is just telling you what you don’t want to hear, things may be hitting to close to home and instead of facing your own reality you may run giving plausible but un true reasons why you may need another sponsor. There are those times when yea the sponsor is just not the right person, thy may be just as crazy as any using addict. Clean time dose not = recovery.
Some of the warning signs of a toxic relationship.  For me thy, are: is my sponsor doing his steps, is he his theory or sharing his ESH, dose he put of my step work (has he done it more oft then not lol),
Do I find myself lending $ to him, is he trying to be my one and only go to guy of information, dose he yell at me? When I came in to NA I was fracked up, but at no time did I allow anyone to think that thy had some special right to raze there voice at me, no matter what I may have put up with out in the streets. When I got clean, I was and am just as much a Man as you or anyone else. 
This is a good topic lot of good things im reading and hope to see more points of view.
 :D
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Offline CD

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2011, 03:57:37 PM »
 8) 8) 8)  I figure it is when there is no connection between you and your sponsor,when you ignore each other.If you have no experience ,strength and hope left then it may be time to move on .   8) 8) 8)
Being stuck way up north I read literature do service in my area,region,and homegroup.New friends new ways of life.Left old friend out there same old story they have .Like helping newcomers , I was one once,have to give back what was freely given to me .

Offline Slice

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2011, 12:24:28 AM »
I know that I grow as I learn.
I know that my sponsor is not as prejudiced about my life as I am.He has no emotional attachment to my stuff like I do.
So often,I am the one that stands in the way of my happiness.

Offline The Recovering Vegan

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Re: How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2011, 12:21:47 PM »
im almost done my 1st set of steps & traditions lol
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Offline The Recovering Vegan

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How do you know when a Sponsor Sponsee relationship is toxic? ESH
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2011, 06:14:01 PM »
I got something from all my Sponsors, I have had 3 all together this time around and in April I will have 3yrs HP willing just for today. My 1st Sponsor was very knowledgeable about the steps but after a while I noticed that when we went over my work he would do allot of skipping around rushing me through and paying more attention to his phone then what we were doing, this happened more then once so I brought it up in group, prayed read the sponsorship pamphlet and book~then I let him go, the Man was angry blaming me telling me that I had resentments, we get along well today but I had to look out for myself.

Sponsor #2. a wise old man very knowledgeable of the steps, at 1st I worshiped him, the way he could just recall any page of the text without looking in the book, but I started to see that when he would come over to visit he would tell me I was breaking tradition when I had my work out and that I could not have my $ on my table, he would call me or come over my apartment to tell me that I was sharing crazy at a meeting, when we got to my 4th is when things got really out of hand, he and his Sponsor were ganging up on me to the point that I, a grown Man had a breakdown, when I let him know that this was getting out of hand he admitted that his Sponsor was telling him what I should do with my 4th and thy were both Sponsoring me, he apologized but  I had to let him go~My next Sponsor and I get along very well Im almost done with my steps and traditions, We both do service work apart and together we talk almost every day I have had him for a bit over a year and all has gone well.

allot of times some of us meaning well or not bring allot of our negative issues to Sponsorship; control, lack of respect,telling others what is on our Sponsees 4th step and so on, I want to know how everyone else deals with this as a Sponsor and as a Sponsee it is also my experience that some addicts like to blame the Sponsee almost all the time for some of these reasons what do you think? whats your story?


 

The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.